: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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