Sponge bath it is.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
