I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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