I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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