Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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