First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
