I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
