So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
