Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
