Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
