Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
