Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
