she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
