so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
