i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
