Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
