Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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