Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
