About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
