my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
