Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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