Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
