What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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