so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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