I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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