I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize