sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
