Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
