we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
