I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
