went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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