they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
