i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
