somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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