youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
