shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
don't judge my taste in strippers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
