I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
