You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
