If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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