does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm at about main and main street
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
