it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize