We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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