So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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