Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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