i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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