I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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