i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
