she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
