splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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