I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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