If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
