Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
