I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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