We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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