I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
