Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
