R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
