Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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