Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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