does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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