Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
