I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
