he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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