This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
