in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
