I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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