i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
