if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
