Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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