So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
third nipple confirmed
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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