he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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