I wannas sexs uuuuu
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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