Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
