it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
