can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
