Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wear drunk well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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