I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
