Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
birth control should be required to get into college
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
