Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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