12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
