I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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