Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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