do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
