That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
