I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
