I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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